6 Approaches to Handling and Effectively Managing Triggers
Nina looked deep into my eyes, cradled my face and said, “You’re just afraid to settle down” I swatted her hands away.
While I loved my sister, the last thing I needed was another lecture. Apparently what I wanted didn’t matter. She launched into a full TED talk like speech on the awesomeness of marriage and how I was letting my best years pass me by. I only half listened. I had heard it all before. Multiple times. It was getting harder and harder to listen to. What did “settle down” even mean? I may have been single but I didn’t feel unsettled. I loved my life.
What perplexed me the most was her inability to admit her own fears. She was married and convinced others that she was happy. She was the pinnacle of perfection at family barbecues.
Truthfully, she was bored. She loved to travel and discover new things. However, her husband was all about that cottage life and fishing. The “settled” life, I guess. To be honest, he was nice and laid back and would probably roll off the couch for a trip to the Caribbean or support her decision to take a trip with me if she mentioned it. She never did. She was too afraid to deal with her feelings if he didn’t agree and too concerned about what people would think if she traveled without her husband. So, as I booked my trip to Thailand, I swallowed my annoyance and let her explain how unfulfilled I was, but deep down we both knew who she was really talking about.
Does this happen to you?
Have you ever found yourself extremely irritated by someone's behavior, only to realize later that you possess the very same tendencies you were so quick to criticize? It's a puzzling phenomenon that often points to something buried deep within our subconscious. Our own behaviors and our hypercritical reactions towards others is worth examining closely.
I hate it but I still do it
Since the word “hypercritical” is made up of the words “hyper” and “critical”, people always assume that it describes someone who is extremely judgmental, however it also describes someone who criticizes other people too strongly or too often. It is one thing to voice your opinion, it is another to do so constantly. This heightened sensitivity to other people’s behaviour often points to an internal struggle. Like the uncle who hates gossip but tends to gossip all the time or the grandmother who preaches about the evils of jealousy but is clearly jealous of her neighbours yard, many people incessantly express actions that they don’t agree with that unconsciously relate to their own imperfections. While it is possible that the concern stems from feelings of concern, the strength of the reaction may indicate something deeper.
Wise words from carl jung?
Renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Our reactions to others are not just random occurrences, they are mirrors reflecting something within us. These reactions offer a window into our inner world, and show us aspects of our character, fears, and desires that might otherwise remain hidden. By exploring these triggers, you're not only granting yourself and others permission to feel but also laying the foundation for a richer, more authentic life.
6 steps to embrace and manage triggers:
Here are 6 steps that will guide you through a process to embrace your triggers and use them for personal growth. Remember, these feelings are not signs of weakness; they're invitations to look into your psyche and become more self aware and empathetic. Here are some things that I have done to work on addressing some of my hypercritical reactions
Self-Reflection: Explore your triggers, identifying patterns and recurring reactions. Identify the feelings they evoke and why they affect you.
Identify Similarities: Recognize the traits or behaviors triggering you and explore how they might relate to your own experiences
Inner Work: Engage in introspective practices like journaling, meditation, or therapy to unearth underlying fears, insecurities, or unaddressed areas of trauma.
Practice Empathy: Understand that others' behaviors are often reflections of their personal struggles, just as yours are. Extend empathy towards them.
Embrace Imperfections: Accept that everyone possesses flaws, including yourself. Embrace your vulnerabilities as part of your growth journey. Don’t let your inner critic judge you.
Take action to Change: Actively work on the aspects that trigger you by making positive changes in your behavior or mindset.
Discovering and dealing with hypercritical reactions can give you deeper insights into who you are and what you truly want. When you feel strongly critical of someone, pause and reflect. Your reactions can help you find hidden parts of yourself. With self-reflection and kindness, you can turn these moments into chances to grow personally, leading to better relationships with yourself and others.
